This blog is dedicated to my dearest Krishna...mostly poetry, sometimes through the words of a Gopi, and sometimes, just my own musings...

Friday, October 29, 2010

Do i have any rights?

When You are always here,
But sometimes, i falter,
Can i still belong to You?

When You are so good,
and i ungrateful-
Would i still have Your presence?

When You are impeccable,
And, yet, i commit mistakes intolerable-
Would You still save me from seperation miserable?

When i forget Your greatness,
And fall back on my promises-
Would You still bless me with Your caresses.

When You are all-encompassing,
And, yet, i commit errors embarrasing-
Would You stay with me, my Lord, all-forgiving?

When the ocean of love suffers a despair-spill,
And, my whole world comes to a standstill:
Would You not the void fill?

When i commit errors in devotion-
Do i still have rights to call myself a devotee?
When my mind is turning out to be full of vice-
Do i have rights to love Thee, to talk things nice?


Maybe i do not have the right to talk to You,
But, other options i have are few-
i have none but surrender unto You!

Forgive me, if You will,
By Your embrace, my holes kindly fill-
And by Your wonderful presence, this little heart You fill.

15 comments:

  1. Hare Krishna!
    Your timing could not have been more perfect. For the last few hours, I have been feeling all things mentioned in your poem, wondering if Krishna will forgive me, if I can even ask Him for forgiveness.. Usually, I ask Him to show me in some way that He has forgiven me. And He usually does show me that He has. And now, He has done it again. Your poem mirrored my feelings exactly, and that's just incredible. Moreover, when I logged onto Facebook just now, there were many posts related to Krishna, as usual, but there was on titled, "Supersoul Never Leaves You".

    I feel mercy overflowing, and I know I am undeserving, but Krishna is the reservoir of mercy, giving freely to anyone who is simply ready to receive!

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  2. Wow!!! He does find ways to communicate with us, and reassure us, that HE IS ALWAYS THERE.
    No matter what else happens, HE WILL ALWAYS BE THERE.
    It's really amazing how He spoke to You.
    As for me, it's 2 o'clock in the night, and am shivering all over just thinking of the beautiful, wonderful dream i had- Him lying on His Adishesa (if you have ever seen the pic of Ranganatha, He was like that), and me sitting somewhere below.
    Mercy overflowing, flooding the meagre existence called our lives...
    How can He be so non-egoistic?
    i just hurt Him so badly, and He chose to accept my half-attempts at apology (coz i was wondering if i deserved to ask one), and adorn my dreams!
    And, i logged on, and saw your comment, and i am exhilirated, doublefold!
    i was in extreme bodily pain, and crying miserably, because i was calling out to Him, as i would normally do, but in my mind, telling myself i had no right to een talk to Him.
    But oh! He came, He came, He came....
    to you, to me,...
    And, you know what???
    i don't feel the pain anymore!
    A, just rejoicing, thinking of Him!!!!!!!

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  3. Your poems are beautiful and heartfelt. May he be with you now and always!

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  4. @கவிநயா : Thanks for your comment.

    //May he be with you now and always! //
    Oh! That comment left me smiling like an idiot.
    And, it truly made my day. :)))

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  5. That's just so wonderful! He really is as forgiving as they describe Him to be, and even more!!

    Your comment reminded me that I too had a dream related to Him last night. It's a common one - I dream that I am in trouble somewhere, somehow, and I just keep calling out to Krishna to save me. Last night as well, a devotee and I were chatting for the first time (we had only met in class and posted on Facebook for birthdays) and it just felt so nice to talk to a devotee, just like my exchanges with you!

    I feel especially terrible because I feel like I apologize and then make the same mistakes again. And most times I say sorry to Krishna, and He shows me He has forgiven me. Once I needed a cab and I was feeling downright awful because of myself. What I asked for later was quite silly, but I needed a sign. So I needed a cab and I thought if I get one immediately as I reach the main road, on MY side of the road (it was a 2-way road), I would understand that Krishna has forgiven me.

    But there was no cab on my side of the road. There was one on the opposite side and my friends called it and it turned and the taxi stopped right in front of us. At that time, I realized Krishna's mercy knows no bounds. There are always taxis on that road, and there is always a huge line of taxis on the same road, but that day, when it was right there when we arrived, and he u-turned and stopped in front of us, I realized Krishna was giving me the sign I asked for. Just before that day, I read an article about a woman who was going to pass away and devotees had come to sing the Hare Krishna mantra to/with/for her. The writer mentioned that the Holy Name had come to the dying woman, re-enforcing something that the writer saw in a dream. And that day, I felt like Krishna was coming to get me, He was there for me, and He had forgiven me. The taxi took a little u-turn and came to me, and it made me think that Krishna would come to get us, if we ever drown.

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  6. Drainpiper-Wow! There are no words to describe how He is always there for us.
    We are oh! so blessed that He is this kind.
    There were these 2 days before i published the poem, when i could not talk to Him, or even look at Him, and my heart swelled up. i couldn't do anything- my whole life broke down.That's when i realized how i had taken His presence so for granted.

    It's so amazing how He gave you His 'signal'.
    But, He transcends our levels of amazement.
    Hope He will give all of us the 'green signal'. :)

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  7. Oh man, I know that feeling! Sometimes, I feel so bad that I cannot look at my deity, or pick up my beads to chant. I feel like I don't deserve it, and like i need to clean myself up before I do.

    Although, I'm sorry you were feeling so bad. However, now we know better, and we know that Krishna didn't let go of us and He never will! He's so merciful - He's helping us let go of those bad feelings now and instead focus on this wonderful one that He gave us!

    Aaah, a green signal to Krishna's lotus feet... into Vridavan... into Vaikuntha... oh MANNNNN how AWESOME would that be?!

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  8. No matter how many times we falter and fail, Krishna forgives...This has happened so many times in my life, or lifetimes maybe! Just by thinking tat am feeling grateful and overwhelmed! Thank you for evoking such emotions through your poems... it's deep & soulful!

    ***bloggingupthedrainpipe--has mentioned about the taxi incident...similar has happened in my college life, too. And that's exactly the way I approached Krishna....

    Also, it's true that no matter where we are the life of krishna's devotees are just the same!

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  9. @Mannivannan Sadasivam: Thanks for your comment.

    //Also, it's true that no matter where we are the life of krishna's devotees are just the same! //
    So true!
    And, that He never fails to amaze us with His wonders.
    And, that being His devotee is our only identity.
    i was thinking of this verse from the Nalayiram yesterday (Nammazhwar singing about Kuzhaikaadhar in Thenthiruperai, who, incidentally, features in pictures on the right of my blog):

    Vellai Suri Sangodu Azhi Eyndhi
    Thaamarai Kannan En Nenjinode,
    Pizhai Kadaagindra Aatraikaanir En Solli Solliguren Annaimeerkaal:
    Vellai sugumavan veetrirundha vedha ozhiyum vizha ozhiyum,
    Pizhai Kuzha Vilaiyaatoliyum Mara Thiruperaiyin Servan Naane!"

    (perumal, in this temple, asked the Sannithi Garuda, who is usually right in front of Him, to step aside as He wished to see the people playing on the streets)

    Nammazhwar, in the last line, says "Thiruperaiyin Sevan Naane!" (Of this great Thenthiruperai Lord, i am a servant)
    People usually talk about giving up the concept of 'i' in devotion.
    But, nammazhwar, foremost of His devotees, says - "Sevan Naane!" (Servant, i am)
    Naane! (I am) says Nammazhwar
    His slave i am! - Thus proclaims Nammazhwar.

    That took me to the BG: Krishna says give up your 'false-pride', not your pride.
    And what, is our pride?
    Our true positions!
    So, what is pride?
    Nammazhwar puts it beautifully- "His servant i am!"
    "Thiruperaiyin Servan Naane!"
    Our real pride- our association with Him, serving Him, loving Him, chanting His glories, proclaiming to the whole wide world that we are His slaves, His devotees...

    Thenthiruperai being my native place, i would have said this verse a hundred times.
    But, yesterday, the beauty of the last line stuck me for the very first time.

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  10. That's just incredible! You're so so SO right! Our pride is our true position, as servants of Krishna! Haribol, what a wonderful realisation! I also really like the line "Sevan naane". It's just perfect! It sums up how we should be - humble and submissive.

    Very very nice, ILWK :) I really enjoyed that!

    @Manivannan Sadasivam: I'm so curious to know about your experience!

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  11. Beautiful and this evokes feelings that I have had- but was never been able to write.

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  12. @Bhakti: Thanks for the comment. It is only the grace of Krishna that i get to meet such nice devotees like you. :)

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  13. WOW! That's a beautiful verse and explanation you've shared. Yes, it's true. Nammazhwar takes pride in His 'I,' because He has realized even that 'I' is only 'Him' :-)

    @bloggingupthedrainpipe:
    One day, while in college, I was bankrupt. I didn't have money for bus to go to college, though all I need was just 2 Rs. Surprisingly, that day, none of my friends came to my room.

    So, I prayed to Krishna that if you are truly there, please take me to the college. I'll not ask money from anyone...but Krishna pls somehow you should make me go to college.
    If you do so, I'll never ever again doubt your presence.

    Actually, that was the time, by the mercy of my Gurudeva, I began worshiping Krishna in His idol form. I waited in my room for a long while....nothing happened. So I started to do many compromises with Krishna(because if He is not there, who else is there for us)....like if I find money in my unwashed trouser pockets, I'll take it as your blessings...I searched for and found not a single penny. (Actually, I did many things, but am cutting the long process short...)

    So, finally, I went to the road and said to Krishna that if someone gives me lift, I'll think you've answered my prayer. But none gave me lift too. So, disappointed, I just started walking to college, giving up everything. After a few mins I had started to walk, my mind became quiet. And I kept on walking. But lo! Suddenly, a two-wheeler came and stopped nearby me. Though I know the person, I was not very close to him. We used to just share smiles whenever we see. He was working in the place where I usually eat. He stopped by me and asked me why are you walking alone? I said something, and he asked to get on his bike, saying that he would drop me at my college as it was on the way.

    And that moment I was really taken back. From the bottom of my hearts, I thanked Krishna. For, he has answered my prayer in the exact way I wished for! On the way, I prostrated many times before Krishna in my heart, and I thanked Him profusely. Thereby, Krishna very clearly established to me that He is always there for me!

    From that day onwards, I had never doubted His presence. I may even fight with Him, but by His Grace, I've never doubted Him. I'm feeling so grateful as I think of that incident and my Krishna. His Grace is relentless, and cannot be ever measured!

    Thank you bloggingupthedrainpipe for asking me to share the incident. Actually, I was not able to do it earlier. And am sorry for that.
    Even, as I recall the incident, now...my heart melts...This is the first time am sharing the incident to the world. Possible, will write as post in my blog too :-)

    Shree Rama Jayam!

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  14. Yes, yes! His grace can never be measured! He gives it so freely it's almost unbelievable!

    I could relate to everything you mentioned. So many times I make these deals with Krishna: "If so and so happens right now, I will never doubt Your presence" or something along those lines. Sometimes it doesn't happen, sometimes it does, and sometimes something better comes along. But the bottom line, as you put it, is that Krishna's grace is immeasurable!

    Haribol! Thank you so much for sharing your inspiring experience :)

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  15. @Manivannan Sadasivam: Thanks for sharing your experience here. It was so blissful reading it.

    By His grace, i have never doubted Him, He's always been my everything, at least as far as i can remember.
    But, i can totally relate with what you said, about making deals with Him. Mine go like- ''If something happens, You have forgiven me"
    "If something happens, You approve of what i am doing", and stuff like that.

    And, as You say, His grace is unrelentingly wonderful. And, it is His grace again that we can understand how much Grace we have been blessed with!

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