Misgivings

Dear Lord:
So many misgivings this heart possesses,
So many shameful attempts at staying away;
So many trajectories the unfaithful mind traverses-
But how long away from its Lord will it stay?

You are the Giver who bestows
The Lord who protects
The Ruler unto whom this slave is surrendered:
Please, oh please! Don't let my mind wander asunder!!

Who but You to anchor, the
Heart sailing in uncertain waters?
Who else is there whose support i can seek?
Save me from myself-this, of You, i beseech!!

Let there not be a time when am not lost in Your lovely eyes,
May Your smile send me into a dizzy high!
Let this slave always be Yours:
 Lost in thougths of the eternal charmer!!

Dear Dreams

Of silent evenings spent together,

Of beautiful nights in the company of my Lover;

Of days spent staring into Your Lotus Eyes,

i dream, at times with closed, and at times with open eyes!

Krishna, of Your hug's warmth and comfort,

Of the electricity, dearest Hari, that Your touch would elicit,

O Parthasarathy! Of the loving kisses You would imprint,

i dream, at times with closed, and at times with open eyes!

Of serving You sumptous food,

And fanning Your beautiful features as eat You would;

And the nectar of Your lips to partake in Your remains if i could:

Endlessly, infinitely; dream this slave would!!

i dream, Parthasarathy, of our hands intertwined,

But somewhere, in between, myself lost i find;

Dearest Lord, i dream of serving Your beautiful Lotus Feet

But, lost, i suffer miserably in between.

i have none but You

So, dearest Lover, save me anew.

Kill me if You wish with Your dazzling smile:

Own me in entirety with Your unparalleled might!

Disjointed Chords

Krishna
When i cannot see my Lord's beautiful face,
Where do i for my empty heart find solace?
When away from the one who my insignificant heart also stole:
My heart that greives for my lover: how will i console?

I try singing a song:
But all i end up with are disjointed chords!
I try (in prayer) to fold my hands-
But find my tears wetting the sands!

Where are those blissful dreams?
Where are those moments with my Lord love-sealed?
i beg of You (O Madhava!) to take me back
For, at this moment, my life does all meaning lack!

Love, they say, appreciates closeness in miles-
But, in reverse, my woes do pile!
So close, yet so far apart drawn-
Here, alone, feeling like a lost fawn!

When my mind in circles like this does run-
Where are You, My dear Thief, hidden-having fun?
Come, let me drink the nectar of Your presence once again-
Please do not let my pleas go in vain!

Dearest ParthaSarathy

Dear Lord,
Hear a little plea,
From this heart now at Sea!
Grant me but one sight-
Therein i'll find my respite!

Thoughts of the finery You wear
Wear me down!
Thoughts of Your charming air
now, in the deepest chambers of my heart, resound.

Thinking about Your lightning glance
You leave me in the middle of a trance;
Thinking about that sweet killer smile
This moment, i rue my exile!

The waves of my mind are splashing viguourously,
Searching, yearning, calling out, incessantly-
Grant them the shore of Your caress,
Then, they will, in shyness, redress.

Perhaps it is because i wronged
That now i have Your grace forgone;
Perhaps, so weak has been my song
That now their notes are forlorn.

Your beautiful feet are the world's shelter,
Your very thought makes evil run helter-skelter;
i am surrendered unto You, evil-abolisher,
i am in love with You,  mountain-lifter!

By the disastrous wind of seperation,
This poor girl not in Your celebration!
O Dearest Lord! Forever keep me at Your beautiful feet,
Only their succour in life i seek!

So Be It!

If i must not come see You, so be it;
If i must not come revel at You, so be it;

If i must not feast my eyes on Your beautiful form, so be it.
If i must not hear those poetic sounds so awesome; so be it.
If i must not let my mind dance like the lamps, so be it.
If i cannot admire Your beautiful stance, so be it.

If i must not partake Your dinner, so be it.
If i must not drink the Nectar of Your Lotus Feet, so be it.
If i am entitled to be a moaning loser, so be it.
If this cruel seperation is part of Your plans neat, so be it.

If this be Your descision, so be it-
Surrendered slave i am- i will not question it.
If my agony is Your joy, so be it-
Your joy is my jubilation, so be it!

But, when i am thus unceremoniously cast away-
Do You wish me to smile away, O Lord now so Far Away?
What of the tribulations in the mind's fray
Caused by Your mighty play?

You can do what You may-
Yet, i have doubts nay:
For today, You may keep me away,
But, otherwise, You will  make things work my way!

KRISHNA!!!! (Calling Out)

The thoughts of Your radiant smile dazzle me,
The memories of Your beautiful face teases me,
Your beautiful peacock feather, dancing along, seems to call me,
O Krishna! Where art Thee?

The jewels that adorn Your chest,
The beautiful garland hanging from Your neck,
The armlet on Your sculpted arms, and Your torso without a vest,
And, yellow garments, on my Lord, who makes the yellow sun look like a peck.

The sunlight in Your eyes,
The moonlight in Your smile,
The sky in Your complexion,
And, oh! the Universe is in You!

Ah! The jingling trinkets of Your feet,
Your toe-nails, so beautifully neat:
Oh! Your iron pillar-like thighs
And, beautiful, lotus like feet!!!

O! This heart unto You surrendered,
Do not tear it asunder:
At Your discretion, At Your disposal,
O! From sorrow, by Your grace, grant me an arousal.

Searching in these woods, for You in vain,
My heart seething with pain,
Would You please not come, dearest Krishna!
Isn't hide-and-seek too kiddish, O Krishna!?

If i have wronged- forgive me,
For, there is no other but Thee;
O! O! O! This girl begs to behold Thee!!!
O! Like You once did, Hold me!!

The Curtain

When i have not even requested Your help,
You are still there, with me-every step;
Yet, when the heart yearns for Your presence:
Why do You punish me thus with Your absence?

When i call out, in times of need, to Thee:
That very moment You are with me!
But, oh! Just one glimpse of You would do:
But, to come to You, i am bound by nature's curfew!!

i cannot come see Your beautiful face,
Nor do i get to stare unabashedly at Your radiant smile;
You have me here tied up by nature's lace,
And, damn me, even You have not come here, flashing Your charming smile.

O Lord! Am at your discretion:
So, You alone are responsible this no-win situation;
Why seperate me from You, my Lord?
Why play games when i need You, dear Lord?

My head is spinning,
And my heart is o'erflowing-
Love it is, mingled with deep sorrow:
Would You not grant this dark night the dawn of 'morrow?

Not Able to See You!

Those whom from my heart i love:
They have climbed a hill to see my Love;
Standing majestic on the hill- o the One i love:
When will You upon me Your kind grace bestow?

My eyes are indeed unlucky:
For to see Your beautiful form, today unworthy!
My hands are indeed unfortunate:
For today, they couldn't, in front of You supplicate!
My feet are in a state quite pitiable:
Not having been able to walk to the Lord so adorable!
My heart wallows in a sea of sorrow:
For it couldn't embrace the Vanquisher of Sorrow!

You stand on a rock, and of the whole Universe take stock,
And unto You multitudes of Your devotees flock!
i type here- alone, and for company my memories:
Of how each time, You won over this insignifant heart!

O What wouldn't i give for Your one smile
To cast its spell on me and my senses deride?
O What wouldn't i give to see Your lotus-like Eyes
That, in a maddening way, the world entice?

O What wouldn't i give to feel secure
Embraced by Your love so genuine!
But i have already given myself to the service of Your feet:
Alas! Even those beautiful Feet i cannot see!

O Monarch of my Mind:
Of Your beautiful Eyes, grant me but one glance;
Of Your sweet lips, i beg of but a loving smile;
Of Your kindness, dearest Lover, i beg of but one meeting:
You are my All, and for You this heart goes on beating!

(This post is dedicated specially to my dear Lord Srinivasa, Tirupati)