Near and Far

 A trickle of hope in a land destitute,

A beam of light in a path rather acute;

A ray of hope piercing through the shut window:

Such is the dazzling sight You endow!

Laden with the choicest peacock feathers,

Swaying  with the wind hither and thither;

A surreal smile and those eyes that astound:

Flowing as ever with mercy abound! 

The distances have accumulated like a wall,

And from afar longingly my gaze falls:

Like a hazy picture i desperately wish to recall,

Here i am longing for Your gracious call!

Pride and ignorance have looted my mind,

And yet Your footprints all over i find!

With hope, everytime i turn behind,

Longing for a glimpse of my Lord divine!

Like a singer parched, a child lost:

(Reliving the memories of the past)

Surrendered, of further words i am wrought!

As always, in You every solution i have sought!

Dear Dreams

Of silent evenings spent together,

Of beautiful nights in the company of my Lover;

Of days spent staring into Your Lotus Eyes,

i dream, at times with closed, and at times with open eyes!

Krishna, of Your hug's warmth and comfort,

Of the electricity, dearest Hari, that Your touch would elicit,

O Parthasarathy! Of the loving kisses You would imprint,

i dream, at times with closed, and at times with open eyes!

Of serving You sumptous food,

And fanning Your beautiful features as eat You would;

And the nectar of Your lips to partake in Your remains if i could:

Endlessly, infinitely; dream this slave would!!

i dream, Parthasarathy, of our hands intertwined,

But somewhere, in between, myself lost i find;

Dearest Lord, i dream of serving Your beautiful Lotus Feet

But, lost, i suffer miserably in between.

i have none but You

So, dearest Lover, save me anew.

Kill me if You wish with Your dazzling smile:

Own me in entirety with Your unparalleled might!

Android Experiments

While i have been really busy with college, it has been tough to write here.

i think of coming here almost every time, but it seems a humongous effort.

But, that doesn't mean i am totally disconnected. Or so i hope.

Which is why i thought i would add to this blog a little of what i scribbled on my Android Phone using a drawing app.

And though this looks sheepishly juvenile, this is what i could manage on my little phone.

And as long as the Lord shall own me entirely, and for eternity, all that matters would be that my heart seeks His beautiful lotus feet.

The imperfections of my heart, and, in this particular case, my drawing skills, i hope and pray that He shall understand and forgive.

For after all, they belong to Him, and Him alone.

Krishna, O Krishna...

Wouldn't the moon seem like an insignificant star 

when i stare into Your face?

Wouldn't night itself run to the clouds for cover

when i bathe in the beauty of Your embrace?

Wouldn't you hasten to come, and

Relieve me of this thirst, that has my mind's occupation become?

How i miss You!

How i miss that time
When only for You i had time!
How i miss the cozy closeness
Which demolished all definitions of distance!

How i miss Your serene smile-
Where else will this heart that joy find?
Oh! How You let me pine
For, now miles away from You i am by Your design!

You stole my heart so wonderfully (O Krishna!)
Oh Lord who lifted the Govardhana hill so effortlessly-
Why then do You not rule it in entirety-and
Instead, let this slave wilt in anxiety?

O Lord of my heart! My Madhava, of You i beseech
That lessons of love You continue to teach!
Even if You find this heart ever slacking-
Please hold me tight in Your embrace binding!

My Father-Daughter Song

What is "magic"?

The word is a trick in itself.

Is it an exhibition of the impossible by using little props?

Or, is it that which leaves your heart yearning for more?

Can it be defined by the little tricks the street magician performs to earn his bread?

Or, is it everything that is inexplicably wonderful?

Magic is, in my humble opinion, what we cannot explain.

It is what our five senses fail to comprehend.

And, it is only when our senses fail that we look deep inside our hearts.

Sorry for the long lecture. I am never good at them.

Anyways, since you were kind and patient enough to read my little philosophy, i am going to cut the intro short and jump to the matter.

Parents are atop the list of those whom we take for granted.

When we are kids, they spray baby cereal on their prized shirts to feed us.

When we are adoloscents, they listen patiently to all our tantrums.

i am not aware of what happens next, (as both my physical and mental capabilities are that of a barely-so-adult), but the most important thing is they dedicate their lives unto you.

So, how much ever you  fight with them, whatever be your differences, you are still bound by a invisible, intangible (magical?) bond.

My father always sings for me.

He has sung for me ever since God brought me to Earth, and he continues to do so.

And, in Radio Dad, the Listener's Choice from my side has been this Tamil song called "Kanne Kalaimaane" from the movie "Moondraam Pirai".

It is this beautiful melody, which always brings a yawn on my mouth.

How much ever i try, i can never disprove my dad that this song is my own magical sleeping pill.

i am snoring before the song is over!

It's a beautiful love song, the second stanza of which  i have roughly translated:

(Context of the actual song: the protagonist falls in love with a mentally retarded girl. He falls hook, line and sinker for her, and cannot help it himself.)

kannae kalaimaanae kanni mayilenak
kandaen unai naanae

In these lines, the protagonist praises his beloved. "Kanne" means eyes, but also it is a sweet form of calling one's beloved. "Kalaimaane" is a kind of deer and "Mayil: refers to a peacock.

andhip pagal unai naan paarkkiraen
I see you day and night
aandavanai idhaiththaan kaetkiraen
I ask of God nothing else!
raariraaroa oaraariroa
raariraaroa oaraariroa


(kannae)

------------

kaadhal kondaen
My heart began to love you
kanavinai valarththaen
It flourished incessantly in my dreams!
kanmani unai naan karuththinnil niraiththaen
O The Apple of My Eyes! i filled my thoughts with You!
unakkae uyiraanaen
My life is now yours!
ennaalum enai nee maravaadhae
Please, never ever forget me!
neeyillaamal edhu nimmadhi
Without you, there is no peace!
needhaanae en sannidhi
You are my sannidhi! (sannidhi refers to the holy sanctum sanctorum)

While most songs that i hear DO get dedicated to my Lord Krishna, this particular song never occured in that list.

It's always been my Dad's song.

But, today, as my dad sung for me in his soothing voice, the words in the second stanza dedicated themselves to His feet.

So, to conclude, what IS magical in this world is "LOVE".

How, we are bound to each other by that Universal Affection.

How, our relationship with Parthasarathy is also defined by that very word.

What is indeed magical is how the Ruler of the Universe sways to little expressions of Love!

Your Eyes Turned Away!

O Lord!

i am but Your meagre slave,
And, i have no respite You save:
Let me not wither in the wilderness!
Let me not be alone to despair and madness!

Your eyes steal every heart they rest upon:
Then why to rest on me they take so long?
Your powerful finger that lifted the hill:
When will they rest on mine and my mind's void fill?

Whether You hold me close to Your broad chest,
Or leave me lost like a child in a fest-
Whether You by Your smile my senses astound-
Or wring this heart by Your punishing frown:
i have none but You, my Lord!

O Lord who blessed a friend who wanted a handful of rice
To be more than Kubera richer thrice-
O Heartthrob who stole away the Gopis' garments
Will You not steal this slave from Your imposed torments?

i have no voice to fight
Coz i have believed You are always right!
If i be wrong forgive me and take me;
If this is some game, lost to You let me be!

Keep me Yours!

When Your procession passes my threshold:
With awe Your majesty i behold!
And then, when me in Your beautiful smile You hold,
You have me frozen at that very threshold!

O Lion-Faced Lord! How great a gift:
That washing the streets on which You tread is a way to live!
How do i thank You for the kindness You bestow?
How do i describe the seed of longing You have sowed?

To be lost in Your glance every morning, Dear Parthasarathy,
To beget the smile at the corner of Your beautiful lips hiding;
To drink the nectar that touched Your feet:
Oh! Oh! Oh! What else is there to seek?

Oh Dear Lord! Forever keep me Your slave,
Forgive me when guilty and naive:
Dearest Lord of my Heart! i love You so-
Keep me Yours, i ask You no more!

His Flowers

Yesterday, the sun shone scarlet in the sky,
So beautiful just on the threshold of the coming night;
The sun had lit up the sky in a devotional gesture:
As my Lord ParthaSarathy glided in grandeur!

His eyes shone like two little suns
Their rays breaking where those scars run;
His smile drenched His face with serenity:
Driving me into new levels of insanity.

As He smiled His killer smile,
He tore all my petty inhibitions asunder;
And left me gazing in wonder-
That sweet-smiling trickster, the One to whom i am surrendered!

And as in my hair flowers i donned,
The ones that His feet had adorned:
O! O! O! My heart went into a flutter-
Beating hard and fast for that Sweet Charmer!

Why?

Lost in this eerie wilderness,
Caught in the worst of mind's duress;
Oh! i am lost in this horrid place my lover-less,
Why don't you come to relieve my stress?

Why will You not talk?
(O My Honey-lipped Lord!)
Why have You turned Your face away
O Dearest! Don't my tears Your heart sway?

Do You think i can manage alone?
Do You think i'll believe You are stone?
Or, are You exasperated by my monotone-
And left me for my sins to atone?

Oh! Even if i must atone, (O Lion-Faced Lord)
How will i possibly survive alone?
i love You, i am surrendered unto You
Never, ever bid me adieu!

If i have been frivolous, forgive me,
If mistakes are mine, have mercy on me;
This heart cannot beat in Your absence-
O! O! Never may i be anywhere but Your presence.

You took away our symbol of love,
And, left me completely bereft now;
All my mind churns out is tears
Calling desperately, that dear PSP! You be near!

Dancing to ParthaSarathy's Tunes

My mind dances to His tunes-
That dark-complexioned boy who enamours with His divine tunes;
My mind dances to His tunes-
The Lord of Triplicane, the Lors of my Heart!

My eyes danced in excitement-
When they sighted His beautiful face resplendent!
My mind danced in childish fervour-
When it at His feet found shelter!

My heart now sings a song of grief,
For He has of it's dreams taken leave!
And now, when He is said to look so wonderful,
This heartaway, and in confusion palpable!

i dance to the tunes of my Lord,
Whose hands of my mind's ratha holds the cord:
O Lord in Control! Steer this rusty chariot to victory:
And in victory also, may it find Thee!

With all earthly forces undone,
i am prostrated at the Feet of my Lord who has me stunned;
This poor slave, do not shun:
i am in a race: along with me run!

The nectar of Your sight, today i missed!
But i am caught in deep waters betwixt-
Save me dear Lord! from falling into an abyss-
At Your service, and in Your love, may i forever find bliss!

Of What Use?

Caught in the web called Life,
Embroiled in the daily strife,
Have i forgotten You, O Beloved!
Oh No! Your causeless mercy on me bestow!

My hands in front of You are folded,
But they are by habit moulded.
My eyes in Your direction stare unswaveringly,
But they are incapable of appreciationg Your beauty unfortunately.

My mouth bears only Thy name,
But, the words are empty all the same;
My feet run to Your temple,
But oh! my heart cannot behold the spectacle!

Of what use are my hands that can't serve You?
Of what use are my eyes that don't cry for You?
Of what use are my words if they don't reach You?
Of what use is my existence if not for You?

Why is this heart so bound,
Wherefrom is this slag newfound?
Have i been too proud, dear Lord?
Or my laziness failed to strike a chord?

Of this mind, You are the Monarch,
Wherever You wish, you have it park'd;
i am maddened by Your silence stark-
O Dearest Lord! Lighten my thoughts dark!

With Your Panchajanya conch,
Send my misgiving away by furlongs;
O Slayer of Demons! Slay this surrendered slave's insincerity,
O Love of My Life! Into Your helm, grant me a re-entry!

ParthaSarathy as Venugoplala

Parthasarathy, my Parthasarathy!!!
When the mind finds itself in distress wallowing,
You, and, You alone are the force guiding:
And, when You as Venugopala play the flute enchanting-
Our souls run to seek Your music endearing.

When the suun multiplies its radiance ten times,
One millionth of Your radiance, maybe i'll find.
Even if the moon were thousand times more serene,
How would it match the charm on Your face seen?

So, don't blame me, my Lord,
As my eyes yearn for the spectacle of spectacles,
My ears yearn for the pinnacle of pinnacles;
And my mind hopes it earns the miracle of miracles!

There, You are, in my Vrindavan,
Playing the flute, enriching my Man-Van;
But alas! here i am stranded
As though an alien abandoned!

Fie not the mind that runs to You,
Vie not my misfortune that i cannot see You,
Buy not i will words that confer patience-
Sigh not i will  tilll tor each You, i finish my work with diligence!

My Dear Lord!

O Lord of my Man-Van,
Splendid and breathtaking is my Vrindavan!
Let me at the shade of Your feet be given a chance to revel-
O Lord! Let me live with You under Your spell!

So Be It!

If i must not come see You, so be it;
If i must not come revel at You, so be it;

If i must not feast my eyes on Your beautiful form, so be it.
If i must not hear those poetic sounds so awesome; so be it.
If i must not let my mind dance like the lamps, so be it.
If i cannot admire Your beautiful stance, so be it.

If i must not partake Your dinner, so be it.
If i must not drink the Nectar of Your Lotus Feet, so be it.
If i am entitled to be a moaning loser, so be it.
If this cruel seperation is part of Your plans neat, so be it.

If this be Your descision, so be it-
Surrendered slave i am- i will not question it.
If my agony is Your joy, so be it-
Your joy is my jubilation, so be it!

But, when i am thus unceremoniously cast away-
Do You wish me to smile away, O Lord now so Far Away?
What of the tribulations in the mind's fray
Caused by Your mighty play?

You can do what You may-
Yet, i have doubts nay:
For today, You may keep me away,
But, otherwise, You will  make things work my way!

Standing Close To You...

My Lord Parthasarathy!
Standing close to You,
Doubts in my mind must be few;
Yet, the mind conjurs its idiotic questions anew:

What will i enjoy, my Lord?
Must i look at Your beautiful feet
Which are my only shelter as times fleet?

Must i look at Your Forever-Giving Hands,
Which don't even give Your devotees to ask twice a chance?

Must i look at Your fingers slender-
That hold the Panchajanya which sent Your foes running asunder?

Must i look at Your arms so inviting-
That held me in an embrace revelling?

Must i look at Your pillar-like thighs,
Wherein, i rested my cheeks, on a day so nice?

Must i stare unabashedly at Your radiant face-
That brings a smile on Your devotees' face?

Must i stare at Your lotus-eyes so wide-
And, myself, lost in You find?

Must i look at Your moustache,
That completes Your picture of amazement with panache?

Or, must i find respite in Thine smile-
Even as it sends all haunting doubts to exile??

Or, must i just to Rukmini Thaayar bow-
Who has forever Her kind grace bestowed?

By the Lord of Time,
To stand close to Him, i have been blessed abundantly:
But oh! when You smile Your beautiful smile-
You send the concept of 'time duration' to exile!

न कदानुभवे? When will i experience???

प्रेमदं च मे कामदं च मे
वेदनं च मे वैभवं च मे
जीवनं च मे जीवितं च मे
देवनं च मे देवनापरम!

- Krishna Karnamrutam by  Lilasuka

Translation:
You are (all) my love, and also (all) my desire;
You are (all) my knowledge, You also are (all) my wealth;
You are my Life, You also are my Life Support (all i have);
You (alone) are my God, and none else!!

Transileration:
Premadam cha me, kAmadam cha me,
Vedanam cha me, Vaibhavam cha me,
Jivanam cha me, Jivitam cha me,
Devanam cha me, DevanAparam.


Footnote:
40 minutes of Sanskrit class at school = 40 minutes of Your bliss

Krishna, given, that, at one point, i was not even going to take Sanskrit as my subject, i thank You for being my dearest Parthasarathy, and making me take up this subject. For otherwise, i would not have had the wonderful experience of listening to, and experiencing, atleast a fraction of,  the madness that Lilasuka felt.

Krishna- You are...

You are the Lord of my heart,
You are the life in my blood,
You are the breath in my existence,
And You are my One and all.

You are the life of my paltry verse,
You are the death of my thoughts adverse;
You are the Ranganatha on my mind-bed,
You are the Parthasarathy of my mind-chariot.

You are the goal of my life,
And my Guide, too in the strife.
i may be nothing but an ignorant idiot-
You are all i have, my dearest IDIOT.

You are my companion in all times,
You are the patient listenr of my whines.
You are my puppeteer,
And when in trouble, my dear musketeer!

You are all that is defined by my wishes,
You are all that is undefined by the word love.
You are my Science, when life is scientifical-
And when life is unreasonable, all that is unscientifical.

You are my craving,
You Yourself are my blessing.
You are my desire,
You are this cold heart's fire.

Refuge is Your lotus feet,
Respite is Your beautiful smile.
Relishing Your each and every fickle action,
Rejoicing at being Your surrendered slave.

You are my Victory,
For, to You, i have lost!
You are my surrender,
You are the one who makes me maddened and wander!

The Abolisher of Fear

When knowledge was swallowed by pride,

And when minds were riding the fear ride-

O Hayagreevaa! You set all those fears aside!

When the Gods feared demolition,

When they begged Your benediction- As Mohini

You abolished their fears in true fashion.

When dear Mother Earth was taken prisoner,

And was caught in the whims of an evil-doer, O Varaha!

You fought fiercely to save Her, O Supreme Protector!

When the world, of an evil demon, ran amock in fear,

But his own son, on the path of devotion, lost fear- O Narasimha!

You came, and instilled, in the minds of wrong-doers, unsurmountable fear!

By Your beautiful feet, the world You measured,

In front of You, all false-pride stuttered- O Vamana!

One sight of You, and all fears be weathered!

When people were ruthless, O Parashurama! You instilled fear,

But O Rama! You caressed Your devotees by keeping them near:

O Krishna! It is only seperation from You i fear!

When the rain of arrogance Your devotees lashed,

Govinda! By lifting a hill, their anxieties stashed:

Keshava! Seeing Your beautiful face, even Fear will run abashed!

When the mind of Partha was full of fear:

Towards reality, the chariot You masterfully did steer.

O Parthasarathy! The wasteful travails of the mind to shreds You tear!

When Draupadi was in a condition destitute:

O Janardhana! She called out to You: the Protector Absolute-

And You, once again, the triumph of fear did forcefully refute!

O Bhaktavatsala! With the Lord at their beck and call

Your devotees shall never suffer fear's downfall-

Now, these flowing tears, Krishna! by You gentle caress stall!

Do i have any rights?

When You are always here,
But sometimes, i falter,
Can i still belong to You?

When You are so good,
and i ungrateful-
Would i still have Your presence?

When You are impeccable,
And, yet, i commit mistakes intolerable-
Would You still save me from seperation miserable?

When i forget Your greatness,
And fall back on my promises-
Would You still bless me with Your caresses.

When You are all-encompassing,
And, yet, i commit errors embarrasing-
Would You stay with me, my Lord, all-forgiving?

When the ocean of love suffers a despair-spill,
And, my whole world comes to a standstill:
Would You not the void fill?

When i commit errors in devotion-
Do i still have rights to call myself a devotee?
When my mind is turning out to be full of vice-
Do i have rights to love Thee, to talk things nice?


Maybe i do not have the right to talk to You,
But, other options i have are few-
i have none but surrender unto You!

Forgive me, if You will,
By Your embrace, my holes kindly fill-
And by Your wonderful presence, this little heart You fill.

O Blessed Water!

O The water of the blessed river:
Tell me about my dear lover!
How the sweetness of His touch sanctified You,
And gave you life anew!

Tell me how you His lotus feet cleansed,
And, with that sweet water yourself cleansed!
Tell me how your blessed water entered His mouth-
And felt the nectar that i have sought!

Tell me how He held you in His cupped palm,
Tell me about His infinite charm;
Tell me what it was like to touch His curly locks-
And, thus free yourself from all the chains with double locks.

Tell me about His endless eyes on which you were splashed,
Tell me about His luscious lips that You so luckily touched.
Tell me about that cloud-complexioned boy,
Who played with you like you were His toy.

When you washed the serene radiance of His face:
Was it not like You were washing the sun's rays?
Tell me, when you touched Him in every place:
Weren't you playing with the World's solace?

They say in your waters are lost the impure-
For you are among the most pure-
But, when the One who made you pure-  the Purest of the Pure
Straddled in you, wasn't He making your impure pure?

Oh! You served Him so wonderfully,
What a day when the Lord played in your water joyfully.
Not capable of serving Him, my state is sorry:
May He bless me to serve Him beautifully!